The One Thing I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

The one thing I wish I could tell my younger self would be not related to my career, education or money errors, but just this – to not take my father for granted and to have treasured him when I had a chance.  He was a young dad and I never imagined even for a moment, that he would be taken away from me so soon, so abruptly.

photo by bookjunkie

I miss all those precious moments with my dad, but thinking about them makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world:

1. times we sat side by side on our recliners, when we both planned to read our books, but ended up distracting each other and talking instead about everything under the sun.
2. how I used him as a dictionary each time I didn’t understand a word – and he was my superhero – it was like he knew every word in the dictionary.
3. all the times I conned him to do my homework – especially homework related to numbers
4. watching British comedies that only the two of us loved
5. how he rescued me each time I wanted to get out of attending something, and he did too – we were partners in crime. he understood how I needed my space the same way he did.
6. how he stood by my side for hours and fed me sweets when I was in the hospital
7. how I clung on to his arm with my cold and clammy hands and leaned on him when I was sick and he rushed me to the 24 hour clinic
8. how he always felt my forehead when I was sick, but I used to brush his hand away in annoyance (now I realize in that moment, how much he loved me even though being an Asian dad he never said the words)
9. he used to tossle my hair, each time I got a haircut which annoyed me then, because he liked my hair long
10. all the fights we had, me screaming mostly and tears included – it was because we were so alike and he only wanted the best for me.
11. to me he was the smartest person on the planet. I appreciate each time he corrected my pronunciation
12. he taught me diligence just through his actions
13. how he sang me to sleep when I was a toddler with “I have a crush on you sweetie pie” and “Mona Lisa” – I didn’t appreciate it then and used to giggle and cover his mouth, but can still hear his pitch perfect, mellow voice now.
14. I didn’t realize then how completely and utterly safe he made me feel.

I could go on and on with a infinite number of memories, but will stop here for now, because it makes me miss him so much, all over again.

“No one will ever know, the part of me that can’t let go” – The song ‘Everything I Own’ by David Gates, who wrote about the loss of his dad, encapsulates my feelings.

The ‘snowflakes’ falling on the WordPress page, reminds me of Christmas which reminds me of my dad who always brought me Christmas presents, even though we don’t officially celebrate Christmas. They were always the most incredible story and activity books that I got lost in for ages.

So just read the letter by an incredible Canadian blogger at The Hindsight Letters which I feel compelled to reblog and share with more people who still have a chance to let their dads know how much they appreciate all the little things that dads do.

Letter 10: Go. Dear me at 17: It’s Friday. You’ve got plans. You’ve always got plans. Your Dad knows this. Your Dad has plans too. Nearly every weekend, he packs up the jeep and heads to the lakehouse. Even though he knows you won’t agree, every weekend that he goes, he asks you to join him. He says “You know, you can come too if you want”. And, “I’ll even let you pick the movies” (as if that isn’t always the case). You always ponder the decision for a while, w … Read More

via The Hindsight Letters

About bookjunkie

Blogging about my daily life in Singapore helps with my mid life crisis.
This entry was posted in Midlife Musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to The One Thing I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

  1. Oh I like this. So candid and honest. I adore my father and can see why you loved yours as well. It’s great to have a list of memories like you do. 🙂 This is a beautiful post.

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thank you sunshine 🙂 Everytime I visit your blog I think – what a wonderful daughter. I love how you always appreciate your dad, and I wish that more young people would do that. We tend to forget in the moment and this post was just a little nudge that i wish I had when I was younger.

  2. Thanks so much for this!!! The blog you linked to was beautiful. I am printing it now to put on my daughter’s beds for them to read.

    Dad’ are Dad’s….no matter what language they speak or what country they were born in….they are so special

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thank you!! It also doesn’t matter what age we are when we lose our dads..it hurts as bad. When we’re with them we always feel like a little kid again because that’s how they view us.

  3. lynnette-net says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU’RE FORTY!!
    And sad to know about your dad, but stay happy and healthy!
    Yes, indeed, we tend to take things for granted. Like I took my life and my family for granted until I was hospitalised… so now I play more than I study!

  4. xinapray says:

    I listened to this song on the way in to work this a.m. and thought of you and this entry. Hope you like it.

    Luther Vandross: Dance With My Father

  5. harlsmits says:

    I’m sorry I didn’t comment sooner to this, I’ve been a slacker on my blog lately. This past Thanksgiving (Nov. 25th) was my first Thanksgiving without my dad and it was very hard for me and my mom, and then I read your post a few days later and it made me feel better. My dad and I were partners in crime too, always getting into trouble. I remember when my mom was out of town and my dad and I decided to make pancakes. First I tried putting maple syrup in the pancake BEFORE cooking them to see how that would be (don’t try it), and then my dad tried mushroom pancakes. We ended up permanently burning my mom’s skillet. But we had fun. We just have to keep remembering all the wonderful things about our dads and know that they would want us to continue to enjoy life and go out and have adventures.

    • bookjunkie says:

      you’ve just made me remember something wonderful. the time my dad tried to fry fish for me and I insisted it was burnt. It was so sweet actually because he never really properly cooked before. It was when my mum was out of town.

      and you know what? I did that too!!! add maple syrup to the batter before making the pancakes!!! 🙂 kinda turned mushy…doesn’t quite work huh? this made me smile so wide.

      I can imagine how hard it must have been for you & your mum…..

      Yes I remember my dad always being very concerned when he would see me sad…..it is so touching to think about it now……he always tried to cheer me up and really wanted me to be happy. I think that’s what our dads’ want for us now too even though it’s so so beyond hard to be without them.

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