The one thing I wish I could tell my younger self would be not related to my career, education or money errors, but just this – to not take my father for granted and to have treasured him when I had a chance. He was a young dad and I never imagined even for a moment, that he would be taken away from me so soon, so abruptly.
I miss all those precious moments with my dad, but thinking about them makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world:
1. times we sat side by side on our recliners, when we both planned to read our books, but ended up distracting each other and talking instead about everything under the sun.
2. how I used him as a dictionary each time I didn’t understand a word – and he was my superhero – it was like he knew every word in the dictionary.
3. all the times I conned him to do my homework – especially homework related to numbers
4. watching British comedies that only the two of us loved
5. how he rescued me each time I wanted to get out of attending something, and he did too – we were partners in crime. he understood how I needed my space the same way he did.
6. how he stood by my side for hours and fed me sweets when I was in the hospital
7. how I clung on to his arm with my cold and clammy hands and leaned on him when I was sick and he rushed me to the 24 hour clinic
8. how he always felt my forehead when I was sick, but I used to brush his hand away in annoyance (now I realize in that moment, how much he loved me even though being an Asian dad he never said the words)
9. he used to tossle my hair, each time I got a haircut which annoyed me then, because he liked my hair long
10. all the fights we had, me screaming mostly and tears included – it was because we were so alike and he only wanted the best for me.
11. to me he was the smartest person on the planet. I appreciate each time he corrected my pronunciation
12. he taught me diligence just through his actions
13. how he sang me to sleep when I was a toddler with “I have a crush on you sweetie pie” and “Mona Lisa” – I didn’t appreciate it then and used to giggle and cover his mouth, but can still hear his pitch perfect, mellow voice now.
14. I didn’t realize then how completely and utterly safe he made me feel.
I could go on and on with a infinite number of memories, but will stop here for now, because it makes me miss him so much, all over again.
“No one will ever know, the part of me that can’t let go” – The song ‘Everything I Own’ by David Gates, who wrote about the loss of his dad, encapsulates my feelings.
The ‘snowflakes’ falling on the WordPress page, reminds me of Christmas which reminds me of my dad who always brought me Christmas presents, even though we don’t officially celebrate Christmas. They were always the most incredible story and activity books that I got lost in for ages.
So just read the letter by an incredible Canadian blogger at The Hindsight Letters which I feel compelled to reblog and share with more people who still have a chance to let their dads know how much they appreciate all the little things that dads do.